I'm going to post a quick update about what is going on in my life, and hopefully I'll start posting on here a little more frequently.
I've been running a lot lately. I haven't been concerned about my weight, but I've been really enjoying exercise lately. It feels greats.
I took senior pictures for someone. Here's a few of them:
The quality is really bad on here for some reason. If the quality wasn't so crappy then I would show some more. The originals were much better of course.
I also made an etsy account. I'm not fond of the stuff I have on there, but hopefully some stuff will sell because I really need the money. What is the reason for needing money? Well, that leads me to my next bit of news.
Scott and I are getting married. Very soon actually. We are going to get married and then go back to England (where he is from). I need money to help pay for the flight.
Anyway, here's a few stuff I'm selling on etsy.
Necklace that I made:
Big rose ring:
Crappy owl thing:
Hello Kitty keychain:
I hate people, including myself. I am no better than any of these other pieces of shit in my life. I just keep coming up with more and more reasons as to why life is pointless, and I think it's making me bitter. I used to take pride in the fact that I was a good person, but it seems to have only brought misery into my life. With every person I help, my life gets progressively worse.
Maybe I wasn't a good person to begin with. I know many people that identify themselves as good people when they are actually evil, manipulative pieces of shit. Can they really not see this? Maybe I have the inability to see just how bad of a person I am.
These perfumes were on sale for $7 at CVS. So cute =D
It kills me that I will never be the "ultimate beauty" that I have pictured in my head. I will always look like me. I hate that.
But at least I can always work on improving myself, which is what I started [more officially] today. Diet, exercise, stop picking at my god damn skin, stuff like that. Maybe someday I can get a nose job too. Maybe someday I can just completely reconstruct my face.
Or maybe someday I'll finally stop hating the sight of me.
This girl gives me hope that my nose isn't as bad as I think. She has a long nose that is very similar to mine (though you can't tell that it's long in this picture, just like you can't tell in some of my pics), but she's super gorgeous.
It's a bit easier to tell that she has a long nose in this pic:
Still gorgeous though.
I attempted to go for a run in 85 degree weather earlier. I couldn't do it.
During the winter I was running anywhere from 5 to 10 miles almost every day. But it's impossible for me to run even one mile in this heat. I probably ran half a mile before giving up. Ugh
My parents ordered pizza earlier. Ughughugh. I REALLY need to stop eating poorly. Even with the amount of exercise I do (about an hour of intense cardio almost every day), I am having trouble keeping my weight under control due to my terrible diet. I have gained about 10 pounds since my boyfriend got here. I feel terrible. I am not going to give in to temptations anymore, and I'm not going to go out to eat with my boyfriend just to please him. He needs to lose weight anyway.
I am going to keep a physical diet journal with me at all times. Maybe I'll have an easier time denying food while I am holding something to remind me that I want to lose weight.